The Official Unofficial Lava Lamp FAQ

Why would I want a Lava Lamp?

Good question. In this day and age, 'groovy' does not equate with 'cool'. Nor is it entirely evident that Lava Lamps are synonymous with the drug culture. So lacking the context that past generations had, the Lava Lamp has been mostly reduced to a curiosity or an aesthetic statement. It can also be used as a glove warmer.

Why is there always a globule sticking to the top of my lamp?

Surface tension and a maniacal desire for transcendence.

What does the color of my Lava Lamp say about me?

The color of your lava lamp makes more of a statement about you than you might think. Serious minded people might choose dark colors, green, blue, or black. Thrill-seekers are bound to go for more intense reds, yellows, and oranges. Unless, of course, your Lava Lamp was given to you - in this case it usually exposes the buyer's bad taste.

Can Lava Lamps predict the future?

This is a tough question, since Lava Lamps aren't capable of language or coherent thought. However, it is not outside the realm of possibility. If a grammar can be created that describes the motion of the Lava, it is possible to map verbs, nouns, and other language structures onto those motions. (Is it any coincidence that some rising globules resemble mushroom clouds?) Once this map is created, it is simply incumbent on the Lava Lamp observer to translate what the Lamp is telling him or her. Note that certain lamps may predict future events with more accuracy than others and only a large amount of observations will yield useful data. Certainly if monkeys can type Shakespeare, Lava Lamps can spell out the future.

Help! My Lava Lamp is acting strangely!

Uh.. Ask Larry Lava about it. All we know is that you shouldn't pop the top off or leave it on for too long.

What is the Lava in my lamp made of?

The clear liquid is made of dihydrogen monoxide, salt, methyl alcohol, and occassionally dye. The Lava is made of "solidified globule of mineral oil, paraffin and a dye as well as paraffin wax or petroleum jelly, preferably Ondina 17 with a light paraffin, carbon tetrachoride, a dye and the paraffin wax or petroleum jelly." Don't drink it.